{"id":1413,"date":"2017-02-15T05:00:52","date_gmt":"2017-02-15T05:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/?p=1413"},"modified":"2018-01-16T07:41:49","modified_gmt":"2018-01-16T07:41:49","slug":"5-reasons-you-should-break-up-even-when-you-are-in-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/5-reasons-you-should-break-up-even-when-you-are-in-love\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Reasons you should break up even when you are in love"},"content":{"rendered":"

So sorry to state the obvious but breakups suck, they are REALLY hard and for some people breaking up is so complicated that they just avoid it all together.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately it is a side effect of dating and some times breaking up is totally necessary. I\u2019ve said this so many times to friends and clients, and even experienced this in my own life: breaking up when you love someone is the ultimate challenge.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m hoping to offer those of you out there who are in love but suspecting that you\u2019re not in a great relationship some guidance and some reassurance that you\u2019re doing the right thing. So here it tis my friends, 5 reasons why you should break up even when you’re in love.<\/p>\n

\"break

1. YOUR PARTNER IS ABUSIVE<\/h4>\n

To some, this may seem like a clear-cut reason for breaking up. However, the abuse cycle can be incredibly difficult to escape. If you are experiencing any type of abuse be it verbal, physical, mental or sexual\u2014then get out!<\/p>\n

So often, abusers are very charming and they use this charm as a way to gain power and control back in the relationship and to help rectify all their wrongs. Do not be fooled\u2014this is NOT a healthy love, this is damaging, confusing and crazy-inducing love. If this sounds familiar, love or not, this relationship needs to end.<\/p>\n

Read this previous post on what to do after an emotionally abusive relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n

2. YOU\u2019RE COMPROMISING YOUR DEAL-BREAKERS<\/h4>\n

We all have deal-breakers when it comes to dating and relationships. But then there comes along someone so smokin\u2019 hot, or so charming that they erase those deal-breakers right from our memory.<\/p>\n

The thing is we have them for a reason, and if you haven\u2019t outlined your deal-breakers then do it now! These are the qualities in a partner that are most important to you, and the beliefs and values that you want your partner to share.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t jive in this area and it was important enough to be one of your deal-breakers then I\u2019m sorry to tell you that love will not change some core differences that you and your partner may have and this is, ah, well\u2026a deal-breaker.<\/p>\n

3. THERE ARE PROBLEMATIC PATTERNS<\/h4>\n

A pattern, by its very definition is something that repeats over and over. If your partner does something that you\u2019ve wanted them to change and you\u2019ve explained it, provided them some time and given them a few or more chances\u2026yet the pattern resurfaces, then it\u2019s likely this person will not be able to make the change you are requesting.<\/p>\n

This is a really hard one when you are in love because these patterns aren\u2019t always clear-cut. And when we\u2019re in love its totally natural to want to offer up more and more forgiveness and chances and to see little bits of progress as a sign that things will be better. I get it\u2026really!<\/p>\n

So let me suggest this: if you see a problematic pattern then address it, see what he\/she does with it. If they receive your gripe well and then make efforts to change (i.e. visible efforts to gain new info, insight and real changes), give them some time and see how it goes. Expect some<\/em> missteps along the way. If they hear your gripe and then do some grand gesture or change overnight for a week or a month but you didn\u2019t really see any effort, then consider the change superficial and not likely to stick.<\/p>\n

Let me sum that up for ya\u2026.if you\u2019ve confronted these problematic patterns yet they are seemingly here to stay, then it\u2019s time to face the facts that despite being in love this isn\u2019t the best relationship for you.<\/p>\n

4. YOUR PARTNER IS INCONGRUENT<\/h4>\n

I\u2019ve written about incongruence before and I refer to it as crazy-making. You can check out the post here<\/a>. This is basically when the person you\u2019re dating says one thing and then does another. Or does one thing and then says another. You get the idea.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever dated an incongruent partner, you will never forget it because they likely made you feel like you were losing your mind and you probably fluctuated between bliss and pissed.<\/p>\n

Love is very blinding in a relationship like this because this type of partner either says the right things and does the wrong things or vice versa. But the point is that sometimes they are doing or saying the right<\/em> thing and that is very<\/em> confusing.<\/p>\n

So, if you feel crazy in your relationship, stop and think about how congruent your partner is. If this is an issue, no matter how much you love this person, this is not a healthy relationship to be in.<\/p>\n

5. YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T TAKE YOU INTO CONSIDERATION<\/h4>\n

So, this one really hurts. When someone you love doesn\u2019t seem to really be all that thoughtful of you, it stings\u2026and it stings badly. This issue can creep up on you and can occur in little doses over time, but will leave you feeling invisible, frustrated, hurt and\/or unimportant to your partner.<\/p>\n

When someone doesn\u2019t take you into consideration, it can appear with little examples\u2014like they don\u2019t call\/text you when they say they will; or, they don\u2019t remember important things going on in your life; or, they don\u2019t respect your time. Or it can be big things like they are considering a job in another town and aren\u2019t factoring you into the decision.<\/p>\n

Whatever the examples may be, being with someone who doesn\u2019t take you or your perspective into consideration will typically not improve over time. We refer to this as their conscience. I wrote a post on how to tell if your partner has a well-functioning conscience here.<\/a> So, add up both the little and the big expressions of consideration\u2026 if you are not happy with the pattern that emerges, then you may be in #3\u2014so go ahead and try for change, but be sure that the pattern really changes in ways that you would like.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thank you for reading and if you like what we have to say check out our free webinar overview of the world-renowned How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk(ette) program! <\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So sorry to state the obvious but breakups suck, they are REALLY hard and for some people breaking up is so complicated that they just…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1414,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[46],"tags":[58,65,119,105],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n5 Reasons you should break up even when you are in love - Good Dating Book<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Breaking up is hard to do especially when you are in love. 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