{"id":4113,"date":"2022-03-02T22:59:36","date_gmt":"2022-03-02T22:59:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/?p=4113"},"modified":"2022-03-04T23:20:52","modified_gmt":"2022-03-04T23:20:52","slug":"boundaries-podcast-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/boundaries-podcast-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 2: Boundaries Over Minor Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"4113\" class=\"elementor elementor-4113\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-16c1b2 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"16c1b2\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-row\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-10358a39\" data-id=\"10358a39\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-19dd379b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"19dd379b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-text-editor elementor-clearfix\">\n\t\t\t\t<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\/id1612359256\">APPLE |<\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2ygfDmFmsTtL3mjqw4gZ21\">SPOTIFY |<\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\">STITCHER<\/a><\/h1><div id=\"buzzsprout-player-10132191\">\u00a0<\/div><p><script src=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1945506\/10132191-boundaries-over-minor-issues.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-10132191&#038;player=small\" type=\"text\/javascript\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p><p>Boundaries are all the buzzword, but sometimes perhaps setting a boundary is prematures. In this episode Dr. John and I discuss some of the nuance around boundary setting. There are times boundaries are necessary and there are times when boundaries may actually lead to more miscommunication.\u00a0<\/p><p><span style=\"color: #191919; font-family: Futura, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;\">Here are some of the takeaways\u00a0<span style=\"caret-color: #191919;\">from this episode on<\/span>\u00a0boundaries:<\/span><\/p><h4><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4115 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.png\" alt=\"setting boundaries over minor issues\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1500\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-600x900.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4115 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.png\" alt=\"setting boundaries over minor issues\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-600x900.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/noscript><\/h4><h3><strong>1. Boundaries are not meant to shut\u00a0people out<\/strong><\/h3><p>Boundaries are often misconstrued as a way of shutting people out or getting rid of them, like a brick wall to shut people out of your life. \u00a0However boundaries are meant to be a way of showing up more authentically in your relationship SO that the relationship can become closer and function healthier. \u00a0For example, if you can&#8217;t stand it when your parents lecture you on how to parent your child BUT you never say anything, it&#8217;s likely the resentment and frustration will start to build. Setting a boundary and expressing what you need (assuming it&#8217;s handled well) will help to mitigate the development of these feelings.\u00a0<\/p><h3><strong>2. Consider your relationship and level of trust when setting a boundary<\/strong><\/h3><p>The way we express a boundary can have an impact on how the message of our boundary is received. \u00a0Let me give an example:<\/p><p><b>Boundary expressed to my parents<\/b>, &#8220;You can watch the kids under these conditions: do not feed them sugar, please mind their bedtime of 7:30, and don&#8217;t let them watch any tv.&#8221;<\/p><p><b>Unintentional message: <\/b>I don&#8217;t trust you and your judgment with our kids. I have made spending time with them conditional based on my requests.<\/p><p>In this example, if my relationship with my parents was close and they are generally responsible grandparents, then I&#8217;ve conveyed some potentially hurtful messages with this boundary.<\/p><p>What can happen when a boundary is conveyed in this way without factoring in the level of trust and closeness of the relationship, it can lead to defensiveness or a poor reaction from the receiver.<\/p><p>If this happens, the boundary setter may feel further justified in setting the boundary. I.e. &#8220;they don&#8217;t respect my boundaries.&#8221; When the actual reaction may be to the <i><b>way<\/b><\/i> the boundary was expressed and the lack of consideration for the relationship and level of trust that&#8217;s shared.<\/p><h3><strong>3. Expand your options beyond boundaries<\/strong><\/h3><p>Again, boundaries are necessary. There will be people who are in your life that will require you to set boundaries. They are important!<\/p><p>But since this episode is about boundary setting around minor issues, take into consideration that there are other options besides setting a boundary right away.<\/p><p>For example:<\/p><ul><li>Instead of a boundary you may just need to make a simple request<\/li><li>Instead of a boundary you may need to just vocalize your need<\/li><li>Instead of asserting a firm boundary, you may need to just soften your delivery by owning your part. I.e. &#8220;I feel worried about leaving Finn, can I just go over a few things I&#8217;m wanting to make sure you know about?&#8221;<\/li><\/ul><h3><strong>What else is there?<\/strong><\/h3><p>In this episode, we also defined boundaries and discussed the power dynamic that they often trigger.\u00a0<\/p><p>To learn more, listen to the full episode.<\/p><p>We hope you listen, subscribe, and review the podcast. \u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/relationship-podcast\/\">If you want to apply to be a guest on the podcast, we&#8217;d love to hear from you.<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>APPLE |\u00a0SPOTIFY |\u00a0STITCHER Boundaries are all the buzzword, but sometimes perhaps setting a boundary is prematures. In this episode Dr. John and I discuss some&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3655,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[81,248],"tags":[252,251,154,250],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Episode 2: Boundaries Over Minor Issues - Good Dating Book<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. John Van Epp and Dr. Morgan Cutlip discuss setting boundaries over minor issues in this week&#039;s episode of the Dating Book podcast. They explore ways expand your options beyond just boundary setting and factors to consider whether or not a boundary needs to be set. 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