{"id":4146,"date":"2022-03-09T06:00:07","date_gmt":"2022-03-09T06:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/?p=4146"},"modified":"2022-03-09T16:58:41","modified_gmt":"2022-03-09T16:58:41","slug":"finding-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/finding-self\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 3: Finding Yourself After Divorce With Marcus"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"4146\" class=\"elementor elementor-4146\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-20ca1f2d elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"20ca1f2d\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-row\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-520e9e5e\" data-id=\"520e9e5e\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1c7bfc27 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1c7bfc27\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-text-editor elementor-clearfix\">\n\t\t\t\t<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\/id1612359256\">APPLE |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2ygfDmFmsTtL3mjqw4gZ21\">SPOTIFY |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\">STITCHER<\/a><\/span><\/h1><div><p><script src=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1945506\/10171781-finding-yourself-after-divorce-with-marcus.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-10171781&#038;player=small\" type=\"text\/javascript\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Life after divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience to navigate. In this episode Dr. John and Dr. Morgan sat down with Marcus, a recently divorced individual who is learning how to develop a new sense of self after his marriage ended. Marcus discusses his anxious attachment style and Dr. John and Dr. Morgan share some ways his attachment style may show up in his future relationships as well as make suggestions as to what Marcus can do during this time of self-discovery to be more prepared for his next relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/div><h3><span style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; color: #000000;\">Some of the takeaways from the episode include:<\/span><\/h3><h3><br style=\"caret-color: #000000; color: #000000;\" \/><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><img class=\"lazyload\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Copy-of-podcast-pinterest-template-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"3000\" height=\"4500\" \/><noscript><img class=\"lazyload\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Copy-of-podcast-pinterest-template-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"3000\" height=\"4500\" \/><\/noscript><\/span><\/h3><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>1. Use being single as an opportunity for self-development<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">It is important to allow yourself transition time after a divorce. This reconstruction period gives can provide you with an opportunity to get to know yourself without the strong voices and influences that have been present in your life.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">For example, if you\u2019re coming out of a relationship with a partner who was critical or controlling, like Marcus described, you may need time to explore your own thoughts, preferences, and ideas.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Some exploratory questions include:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Who was I then and who do I want to become?<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">How do I want to approach X, Y, and Z differently in my life?\u00a0 In my relationships?<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">What gives me meaning or purpose? How does this change being out of my relationship? What can I do to deepen my sense of meaning and purpose in life?\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">What are things I have wanted to do, but felt like I couldn\u2019t?<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Answering these questions can help you create the 2.0 version of yourself and make the reconstruction a period of productivity and growth!<\/span><\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>2. Spend time imagining + planning your future relationships<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">This time is an opportunity to reflect on your past relationships and what you want to do differently moving forward.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are two areas of pattern to consider:<\/span><\/span><\/p><ol><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">How do you show up in your relationships?\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">What types of partners do you typically choose?<\/span><\/li><\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Luckily each area impacts the other.\u00a0 When you start to show up differently, you will inevitably attract different types of partners.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">When you choose differently types (hopefully healthier) partners, you will find it easier to show up differently in your relationship.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">By putting in the work outside of a relationship, you can prevent the past from repeating itself and really define the type of person you are looking for.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Here are some key things to remember:<\/span><\/p><ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Partner selection is very important &#8211; identify what you are looking for. What are your deal breakers and what are some red flags you want to pay attention to next time around?<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Consider your boundaries. Where do you tend to move too quickly and how can you create a plan to slow down your pace?<\/span><\/li><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Brainstorm what kind of a relationship you want before you jump in? Plans are much easier to develop before you have feelings of love, attraction, and attachment.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>3. Your attachment style can illuminate needed areas of personal growth<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Identifying your attachment style can provide empowering insight that can help you understand more clearly how you show up in your relationships.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">An anxious attachment style tend to rely heavily on others when they feel anxious.\u00a0 They tend to seek reassurance that \u201cwe\u2019re ok\u201d&#8230;\u201dthat you still love me\u201d&#8230;\u201dthat you are still find me attractive\u201d more than other attachment styles.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">This regular \u201cchecking in\u201d can become annoying, at best, or even debilitating to a relationship. For an anxious attachment style, learning how to self-soothe vs. soothe through your partner becomes an essential skill.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400; color: #000000;\">Self-soothing techniques and recommendations are just a short Google away, but consider using your time outside of a relationship to experiment with what you find helps when you feel anxious.\u00a0 Consider experimenting with different techniques and fine tuning this skill before you get into your next relationship.<\/span><\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>What else is there?<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">To learn more, listen to the full episode.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">We hope you listen, subscribe, and review the podcast. \u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/mylovethinks.com\/relationship-podcast\/\">If you want to apply to be a guest on the podcast, we&#8217;d love to hear from you.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>APPLE |\u00a0SPOTIFY |\u00a0STITCHER Life after divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience to navigate. In this episode Dr. John and Dr. Morgan sat down&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4179,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[81,248],"tags":[255,254,253,251,250,256],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Episode 3: Finding Yourself After Divorce With Marcus - Good Dating Book<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Life after divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience to navigate. In this episode Dr. John and Dr. Morgan sat down with Marcus, a recently divorced individual who is learning how to develop a new sense of self after his marriage ended. 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