{"id":4245,"date":"2022-03-23T02:00:03","date_gmt":"2022-03-23T02:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/?p=4245"},"modified":"2022-03-23T13:56:46","modified_gmt":"2022-03-23T13:56:46","slug":"back-down-fight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/back-down-fight\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 5: When to back down from a fight Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"4245\" class=\"elementor elementor-4245\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-a9f9126 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"a9f9126\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-row\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-584d73eb\" data-id=\"584d73eb\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-40ed9c27 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"40ed9c27\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-text-editor elementor-clearfix\">\n\t\t\t\t<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">\u00a0<\/h1><h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\/id1612359256\">APPLE |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2ygfDmFmsTtL3mjqw4gZ21\">SPOTIFY |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\">STITCHER<\/a><\/span><\/h1><div id=\"buzzsprout-player-10298868\">\u00a0<\/div><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><script src=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1945506\/10298868-when-to-back-down-from-a-fight-part-1.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-10298868&#038;player=small\" type=\"text\/javascript\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">In this episode, Dr. John and I have a conversation on\u00a0<span style=\"caret-color: #000000;\">what<\/span>\u00a0you can do to help yourself back down from an argument. We discuss things like: embracing humility, skills for calming yourself (aka self-regulation), tools for identifying your emotions as they begin to escalate, understanding your triggers, and so\u00a0much more.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"caret-color: #000000;\">Some of the main takeaways from this episode are summarized below:<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h3><h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\/id1612359256\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4279 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-535x803.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-600x900.png 600w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4.png 1000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4279 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-535x803.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4-600x900.png 600w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/4.png 1000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/noscript><\/a><\/span><\/h1><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>1. Humility serves your relationship well <\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dr. John said it best by paraphrasing the famous saying &#8220;pride cometh before the fight.&#8221; \u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">When you&#8217;re in a long-term, committed relationship or marriage, your relationship will benefit greatly if both partner&#8217;s have some humility.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">When our ego&#8217;s get involved, it makes it difficult to:<\/span><\/p><ul><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> self-reflect,<\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> back down when we&#8217;re triggered,\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">get curious about our partner&#8217;s perspective, and<\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">show gratitude for our partner.<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">To develop your humility, it can be helpful to make a practice of asking yourself these questions when your ego starts speaking up:<\/span><\/p><ol><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What is feeling attacked or threatened in this moment?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What are alternative conclusions about my partner to the ones I&#8217;m currently drawing?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>How can I approach this with curiosity vs. defensiveness and pride?<\/em><\/span><\/li><\/ol><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Keep reading (or listening) for strategies to delay your reactions. \u00a0<\/span><\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>2. Exercise your self-regulation skills<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Self-regulation is essentially the way that you handle your emotions when they start to get activated, or in simple terms, when you start to get fired up.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The ability to self-regulate is a skill that is incredibly important in close relationships. \u00a0Well developed self-regulation skills help you de-escalate, regulate, discharge your emotions, and make peace without engaging in a full-<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/CaTOVdlJsyy\/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link\"><br \/><\/a>fledged blow out fight.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">In this episode we give strategies for de-escalating. You can learn more about these and about self-regulation on <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mylovethinks\/\">my Instagram, where I did an entire series on self-regulation<\/a><\/span>.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Some strategies include:<\/span><\/p><ul><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Increasing the delay in your trigger and response so that you can increase the chance of a better response<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Taking a time out of a difficult discussion<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Discharging your energy vs. stuffing your intense emotions<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Shifting your focus and expanding your perspective\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Identifying and labeling the intensity of your emotions (&#8220;I&#8217;m at a 4, when I get to a 6 we need a break&#8221;)<\/em><\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">What else is there?<\/span><\/strong><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">To learn more, listen to the full episode above or anywhere you listen to podcasts!<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">And check out the short videos on self-regulation linked at the bottom of this post.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">We&#8217;d love your support in the form of sharing the podcast or leaving us a kind review!<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u00a0<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/relationship-podcast\/\">If you want to apply to be a guest on the podcast, we&#8217;d love to hear from you.<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d967466 elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"d967466\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/CaZ3UAtlhDj\/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link\" class=\"elementor-button-link elementor-button elementor-size-md\" role=\"button\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Watch a tutorial on: Increasing the Delay in Emotional Reactions<\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d056258 elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"d056258\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/CaTOVdlJsyy\/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link\" class=\"elementor-button-link elementor-button elementor-size-md\" role=\"button\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Watch a tutorial on: Why your ability to emotionally regulate is limited<\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>APPLE |\u00a0SPOTIFY |\u00a0STITCHER In this episode, Dr. John and I have a conversation on\u00a0what\u00a0you can do to help yourself back down from an argument. We&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4247,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[81,248],"tags":[155,262,93,251,250,261],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Episode 5: When to back down from a fight Part 1 - Good Dating Book<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/back-down-fight\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Episode 5: When to back down from a fight Part 1 - Good Dating Book\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"APPLE |\u00a0SPOTIFY |\u00a0STITCHER In this episode, Dr. John and I have a conversation on\u00a0what\u00a0you can do to help yourself back down from an argument. 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