{"id":4315,"date":"2022-04-06T02:00:54","date_gmt":"2022-04-06T02:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/?p=4315"},"modified":"2022-04-05T21:27:19","modified_gmt":"2022-04-05T21:27:19","slug":"mental-load-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/mental-load-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 7: A man&#8217;s perspective on the mental load"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"4315\" class=\"elementor elementor-4315\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-69a7d04f elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"69a7d04f\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-row\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-1ce4965\" data-id=\"1ce4965\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-150df871 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"150df871\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-text-editor elementor-clearfix\">\n\t\t\t\t<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\/id1612359256\">APPLE |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/2ygfDmFmsTtL3mjqw4gZ21\">SPOTIFY |<\/a>\u00a0<a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.stitcher.com\/podcast\/love-thinks-podcast\">STITCHER<\/a><\/h1><div id=\"buzzsprout-player-10385569\">\u00a0<\/div><p><script src=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1945506\/10385569-a-man-s-perspective-on-the-mental-load.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-10385569&#038;player=small\" type=\"text\/javascript\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">One of the biggest challenges faced by couples is how they carry and express their \u201cmental loads.\u201d In this first of several podcasts on the topic, Dr. John and Dr. Morgan sat down with Jonathan to explore how he handles his own mental load, and the ways he and his wife work together to support each other\u2019s mental loads as they raise their four kids, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1.<\/span><\/p><h4><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The main takeaways from this episode include:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4><h3><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4319 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2.png\" alt=\"a man's perspective on the mental load\" width=\"350\" height=\"525\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-600x900.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4319 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2.png\" alt=\"a man's perspective on the mental load\" width=\"350\" height=\"525\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-535x803.png 535w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-624x936.png 624w, https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/podcast-pinterest-template-2-600x900.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/noscript><\/h3><h3><strong>1.Husbands are often out of touch with the mental load<\/strong><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The mental load is the invisible running list of responsibilities, tasks, and concerns that occurs in a person\u2019s mind. This is a universal experience, even though some may have never labeled it, and others may be out of touch. So, the first step is awareness&#8230; taking inventory of your own mental load. This is a prerequisite to stepping into your partner\u2019s world to understand and support them with their mental load.<\/span><\/p><h4><strong>Here are some questions to take inventory of your own mental load.<\/strong><\/h4><ul><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What are the specific responsibilities are on my plate?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What are the unfinished tasks that I feel responsible to complete?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>How important are each of these responsibilities and tasks (maybe use a 1-7 scale to weight the importance of your responsibilities and tasks).<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What are the categories of my tasks and responsibilities? For example, if I put my mental load in a pie chart, what percentage is work? Childcare? Home chores? Relationship issues?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What additional concerns do I have that I feel some degree of responsibility to care for or act on?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What is my rating of each of these additional concerns (1-7 scale)?<\/em><\/span><\/li><\/ul><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>2. Engage in open and non-defensive conversations about your mental loads<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The mental load, like many other areas, is often better understood by one partner than the other. This means that the person who has learned about the mental load ends up trying to explain it to their partner. This can be a slippery slope that ends up in a conflict. Therefore, it works best to first engage in a discussion about the <em>concept<\/em> of the mental load and what exactly it is before trying to share the specifics of your own load. Clarity of definition opens the doors of implementation&#8230; so with a growing understanding of the concept, you can then both share what your mental loads entail, which can lead to conversations about how you and your partner would like to be supported in your mental loads.<\/span><\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Here are some conversation starters<\/strong>.<\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Hey, I was reading about something called, the mental load\u2014have you ever heard of it?<\/em> If the answer is no, then you can ask: <em>It made a ton of sense to me, and I think it explains a lot of what goes on in my head and probably yours too. Let me explain it and I\u2019d love to talk about it together with you.<\/em><\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>Here is a simple definition of a mental load: The mental load is the invisible running list of responsibilities, tasks, and concerns that occurs in a person\u2019s mind.<\/em><\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>So, what are the specific tasks, responsibilities, and concerns that are in your mental load?<\/em><\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Some individuals associate the mental load with weakness, like it is a \u201cworry list.\u201d Like one of the partner\u2019s is just \u201cmaking a bigger deal\u201d out of it than the other. \u00a0If this happens, then a conversation about how everyone has a mental load can help to normalize it and frame it as a normal thing rather than a weak thing.<\/span><\/p><h3><strong>3.\u00a0It is vital to check in frequently about your partner\u2019s mental load because it often changes, along with their desire for your engagement and <span style=\"color: #000000;\">support. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The idea that one conversation about the mental load is all that is needed is very unrealistic. Here are a few suggestions for how you can reduce your partner\u2019s mental load stress while increasing feelings of support.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Develop subtle approaches to ask what your partner has on their mind.<\/span><\/p><ul><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What is on your plate today?<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>I know you have a to-do list&#8230; I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/em><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>You always take such good care of everything and everyone&#8230; what are you concerned about that needs attention?<\/em><\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Take the Initiative to support your partner.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><em>What is something I can do that would help with your mental load?<\/em> Know that some partners really appreciate this question while others may find it a trigger for frustration, because now delegating tasks to you is an additional item on their mental load. This partner often wants you to take initiative and not even ask\u2014figure it out on your own.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Offer to tackle one or more items in your partner\u2019s mental load.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Keep track of repeating tasks or responsibilities, or concerns that are on your partner\u2019s mental load and take care of it before your partner does.<\/span><\/p><h3><strong>What else is there?<\/strong><\/h3><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">To learn more, and hear about what may be necessary to maintain a relationship with someone you &#8220;agree to disagree&#8221; with make sure to listen to the full episode.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">We hope you listen, subscribe, and review the podcast.<\/span> <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">\u00a0<a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mylovethinks.com\/relationship-podcast\/\">If you want to apply to be a guest on the podcast, we&#8217;d love to hear from you.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>APPLE |\u00a0SPOTIFY |\u00a0STITCHER \u00a0 One of the biggest challenges faced by couples is how they carry and express their \u201cmental loads.\u201d In this first of&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4316,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[49,248],"tags":[157,264,251,265,263,250,261],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.8 - 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